Thursday, June 19, 2014

Solicit This!


You've got to be kidding me, right? Obviously, Investment Painting doesn't read my blog... or possibly doesn't read. Whichever.

Eric found this gem on our front porch last night, and said "I can't believe this! You should call them."

So I did. Because, after "15+ years of experience," this company should understand what "no soliciting" means, and train whatever tiny monkeys they use to distribute their phamplets thusly.

At 8pm at night, I figured I would get a recording, and would leave a message for Investment Painting. However, to my surprise, Stephanie answered.

Stephanie: "Hello? It's Stephanie!"

Me: "Is this Investment Painting."

Stephanie: "It sure is!" (Ok, she's chipper, and nice. Crap.)

Me (steels self): "Stephanie, I'm calling about the flyer that was left on my front porch by your company, Investment Painting."

Stephanie (I'm sure she's beaming through the phone right now. She sounds nice. In another context, I'd probably like her. Sorry about your rotten luck.): "Oh! Great!"

Me: "Stephanie, I very clearly have a no solicitation sign on my front porch and yet you left your flyer there. If this happens again, I am contacting the Better Business Bureau. Do you understand."

Stephanie: (pause...) "Oh. Thank you for letting me know."

Me: Click!

Come on Stephanie, you gotta know...

I'm thinking about creating a chalk board I can hang on the porch, where I can custome create signs. On Family Dinner night, we could have the menu posted. On other days, I could just leave messages like:

"Leave your crap on my porch and I will repeatedly text and call you until you wish you hadn't done that."

"Ring the bell and risk electrocution."

"Yes, I'm home, but off my meds and paranoid."

"I don't need your makeup, your cookies, or your magazines, and I have my own God. Unless you have a free Delorean, a flux capacitor, and a sweet vest, I'm not interested."

I'm taking suggestions for other ideas, feel free to post below.

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