Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Dear Republicans

Dear Republicans,


Hi.


As much as I generally (and on the advice of counsel, mainly, my husband) keep politics out of my blog, I think its time that you and I had a conversation. See, I've been watching you, your party, and the endless stream of live debates in various states with great interest. Frankly, from my seat, what's going on on your side right now looks more like an all-in cage match at a WWE competition than serious political discourse.


What happened? Never mind, we don't have time to dissect all that, and frankly, it would take way too long.


Listen, I'm not sure what's going on, and there's an awful lot of you being awfully quiet. Trump is polling at like 40% and yet every single one of my Republican friends (and really, that's most of you) are decrying his ascendency. I don't know where this 40% is coming from, but I'm beginning to suspect someone is lying, and well, the votes probably aren't, well, at least not until the primary gets to Chicago (come on! It's funny!)


Ok, assuming that all of you are decent, level-headed people who do not want to see a nutjob in the White House, I'm going to let you in on a Dem secret.


We will choose our crazy over your crazy every day of the week.


Seriously.


If you want a shot at getting someone from your team in the top spot, you're going to have to compromise here. You have a chance to pull some of us your way. Despite what a lot of you think, I personally am more moderate than you would believe - its just that I lived in Indiana for 11 years, and there were only three of us in the entire state (hi Kerri, hi Brent, hope you are holding out), so anything we said looked like we were way out in left field in comparison to that bastion of conservatism.


But.


You can't put your crazy on the ballot. If you put your crazy on the ballot, we will rally around our crazy and pull as many of you away from your team as possible in the most vicious game of Red Rover ever. See, we are totally and completely convinced that neither of our candidates will end the world, and we are absolutely convinced that your crazy will.


You know what? It's late and I'm feeling generous, so let me just tip our entire hand here.




You will pull some of us if you give Kasich the nomination.
You might get some of us if you send on Rubio.
If you send Carson... never mind, you won't. He obviously operated on his own brain and now suffers from significant delusions of grandeur.
Cruz? Yea, nope. You'll get perhaps three of us who were probably better on your side from the get go.
But Trump?
You will all but guarantee the election for us, even if we're not overly thrilled about our candidate. If nothing else, it will be a vote "against" rather than a vote "for."


Don't make us do it, ok? Can we all agree to be reasonable people and offer real choice here, you know, other than a racist, misogynist, megalomaniac, reality tv star?


Brought to you by reason and common sense.


This is Megan Kelly (not that Megan Kelly, dang it) and I approved this message.

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